Today's article will address a crucial topic: the types of issues that are generally unsuitable for couples counselling. It's important to clarify what couples counselling can and cannot address effectively, as there's often some confusion about its capabilities.
There are certain situations and issues within relationships that can be very challenging to handle ethically and effectively in a counselling setting. I sometimes describe couples counselling as the “CrossFit of therapy” because it can be intensely confronting and difficult, especially when deep-seated pain that hasn't been addressed surfaces.
Couples counselling often "rocks the boat" by deliberately exploring and highlighting problematic areas in the relationship that cause distress. If you’re trying to suppress painful past experiences, couples counselling is likely to bring them into the open. This isn’t to cause harm but to bring unresolved issues into conscious awareness, as you can't change what you're not aware of.
So, which issues are typically not suitable for couples counselling?
Domestic Violence and Power Imbalances: Situations involving domestic violence or any significant power and control issues are not suitable for couples counselling. This includes emotional, financial, physical, or sexual abuse. While physical and financial abuse may be more apparent, emotional and sexual abuse can be subtler and harder to detect. In abusive relationships, one partner often seeks to control the other and avoids taking responsibility. Couples counselling requires both partners to acknowledge and address their behaviour, which is rarely the case in abusive dynamics. An abusive partner may blame their partner for the issues, making it challenging for the counsellor to understand the true nature of the relationship. This can inadvertently validate the abuser's perspective, putting the victim at greater risk. If you suspect abuse, seek individual counselling from a professional experienced in domestic violence.
Ongoing Affairs: If one partner is currently involved in an affair and has no intention of ending it, couples counselling may not be appropriate. Couples counselling focuses on healing and addressing issues within the primary relationship. An ongoing affair will continue to inflict harm and prevent any meaningful progress. However, if the affair is a past issue and the affair partner is no longer involved, couples counselling can still be beneficial.
Severe Mental Health Issues and Addiction: If one or both partners are experiencing severe mental health issues or significant current addictions, couples counselling may not be suitable. This includes situations where individuals are frequently suicidal or engaging in risky behaviours. In these cases, individual therapy or crisis support services should be the first step. Once there is more stability, couples counselling might be considered.
Overall, while there are specific situations where couples counselling may not be appropriate, every case is unique. For issues like abuse, mental health crises, or addiction, it’s essential to seek specialised support. Future articles will delve deeper into these topics, especially subtle forms of abuse.
Comments