The hidden attachment pattern that keeps you stuck in the same fight—no matter how hard you try to communicate If love feels confusing or painful right now…you’re not broken. And neither is your relationship. But something is happening underneath the surface. And if you don’t understand it, you will keep having the same argument…just dressed up in different clothes. It Looks Like a Communication Problem But It Isn’t Most couples come into therapy believing they have a commun

Understanding intimacy through the lens of attachment If love feels confusing or painful right now, you’re not broken. And neither is your relationship. Sometimes what couples experience as a sexual problem is actually something much deeper: a disruption in the attachment bond. As a couples therapist, I often sit with partners who arrive believing the central issue in their relationship is sex. The frequency of it. The absence of it. The rejection surrounding it. But when we

How family of origin wounds and past relationships quietly shape the way we love If love feels confusing or painful right now, you’re not broken. And neither is your relationship. Very often, the conflict couples experience in their relationship is not only about what is happening between them today. It’s also about what happened long before they met. Because every person walks into a relationship carrying an invisible history — a collection of attachment experiences, emotion

Most relationships don’t implode overnight.They fracture when safety quietly turns into threat. And the most destabilising wounds in love aren’t always loud. They’re the ones that make your nervous system whisper: I’m not safe anymore. If love feels confusing or painful right now… you’re not broken.And neither is your relationship. But something may be wounded. Let’s slow this down together. This is Part 2 of our conversation about attachment wounds. In Part 1, we explored th

Most relationships don’t end because two people stop loving each other. They end because something happened that made one — or both — partners stop feeling safe. And often, they can’t even name what it was. It wasn’t always an affair.It wasn’t always explosive conflict.It wasn’t always something dramatic. Sometimes it was a season of emotional disappearance.A crisis that pulled one partner into survival mode.A baby that exposed cracks no one realised were there.A moment whe

If love feels confusing or painful right now, you’re not broken — and neither is your relationship. Let’s slow this down together. Because what most couples think is a communication problem… is actually an attachment problem. And what looks like stubbornness, coldness, neediness, or overreacting… is usually a nervous system trying to survive. This is the pursuer–withdrawer dance. And if you’ve ever found yourself saying: “Why won’t you just listen to me?” Or on the other side

Let’s get something straight. Most people don’t actually want to “win” the argument. They want to feel safe. They want to feel chosen.They want to feel heard.They want to feel like their partner won’t disappear emotionally when things get hard. And yet, what we usually end up doing in relationships is fighting each other… instead of fighting the cycle. That’s where Project Secure Attachment comes in. This isn’t about becoming a perfect partner. It’s not about suppressing you

Have you ever been in a relationship where everything feels mostly okay… until suddenly it isn’t? One minute you’re having what feels like a normal conversation, maybe even a slightly tense one, and the next — your partner is gone. Emotionally, physically, or both. They might say they “need space.”They might say nothing at all.They just go offline — literally or metaphorically — and you’re left sitting there wondering, What just happened? Did I do something wrong? Are they c

In online conversations about relationship health, the terms toxic relationship and narcissistic relationship often get used as if they mean the same thing. While every narcissistic relationship is undeniably toxic, not every toxic relationship stems from narcissism. This distinction is subtle, but it’s crucial — especially for people trying to make sense of their own experiences. Toxicity Can Exist Without Narcissism In my work as a relationship counsellor, I regularly mee

When exploring the vast world of narcissism and attachment — especially in the endless stream of videos and articles on YouTube — you’ll often hear people label narcissists as having disorganised or avoidant attachment styles. This is a common narrative, one that makes sense on the surface: narcissistic behaviours often involve emotional distance, self-centredness, and difficulty in forming deep connections. However, voices like American counsellor and psychotherapist Peter S

Ever felt like you were on top of the world in a new relationship—only to later wonder if it was all real or just a manipulation? You’re not alone. Many people struggle to tell the difference between a normal honeymoon phase and love bombing in narcissistic or toxic relationships. Getting this wrong isn’t just confusing—it can leave you emotionally drained, manipulated, and deeply hurt. Here’s how to spot the difference before it’s too late. The Honeymoon Phase: Love at It

Today, I wish to discuss a contentious issue within the realm of therapy: narcissistic personality disorder and its impact on...

We have been conditioned by mainstream society (and Hollywood movies) to believe that romantic love is the highest form of love and that...

Today's article will address a crucial topic: the types of issues that are generally unsuitable for couples counselling. It's important...

In today's article, I want to explore why individuals with an avoidant attachment style often withdraw from relationships. We'll also...

Casual sex and its cousin, friends with benefits, are likely familiar terms. However, "situationship" is relatively new, describing...

When it comes to relationships and attachment, it seems that opposites attract and not in that Hollywood romance kind of way- I’m talking...

A big theme that I have observed in the world of male/female intimate relationships is the confusion felt by men around what women want....

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about some of the challenging ways men and women relate to each other, particularly in the context of...

Recently, I’ve been reflecting a lot on the issue of codependency in intimate relationships, and I’ve realised that there is a common...